Non-Escalator Relationship Menu
2026-07-23
In traditional monogamous relationships there's a script for how relationships are “supposed” to go: date, become exclusive, move in, marry, kids. Each step is assumed and seen as a measure of success.
Writer Amy Gahran named it the relationship escalator.
Plenty of good relationships never ride it, and this menu helps you figure out what you actually want.
You have a fill in progress — or .
The interactive version takes about 4–5 minutes, works on your phone, and ends with a clean PDF. Prefer pen and paper? Feel free to download the original worksheet by the Multiamory podcast.
More on the relationship escalator
- Off the Relationship Escalator — Amy Gahran, who coined the term
- Relationship escalator — Wikipedia
- “But What if I Want the Relationship Escalator?” — Multiamory, episode 493
This tool is in beta and is being refined. For more information feel free to email me at me@mannylew.com.
Before you start
Your names stay on this device and appear only on your printed copy. Your answers are recorded anonymously to help improve this tool. You can clear everything at any time with Start Over.
Every field is optional.
Step 1 of 9
Custom entries are recorded anonymously to help improve this tool. Please avoid using real names.
Compare with a partner
Printing keeps only what you marked — no buttons, no unmarked items. Your names appear on the printed copy only.
Compare menus
Everything happens on this device — codes are never uploaded anywhere.
Your menu
Partner's menu
✓ same answer · talk = close but different · ! = Must Have meets Off Limits
